Beyond Condemnation: How Human Connection Can Break the Cycle of Hate

Occasionally, I come across posts or articles within the Pagan and Occult communities condemning hatred, bigotry, and intolerance. I agree with those sentiments completely. Condemning hatred is necessary, but condemnation alone is not enough. If we truly want to reduce hatred, we also need to understand how it develops and why it spreads.

Hatred is as old as humanity itself. Like a social contagion, it spreads through fear, misinformation, prejudice, and the human need to belong. It is unlikely to disappear entirely, which is why understanding how it spreads is just as important as opposing it.

That is exactly why I have written this article, to express my own experience with hate and share what I have learned. I have come to see hatred not simply as a moral failing, but as a social contagion. Like many contagious diseases, it spreads through contact, belonging, and reinforcement - but it can also be treated.

Whenever I encounter hatred, bigotry or intolernace of any kind, my first reaction is revulsion and a strong desire to remove that element from any of my social interactions. The bigotry and intolerance I have dealt with come from those who are the religiously intolerant or ignorant, mainly due to the content and subject matter of my YouTube channel.

I can be more forgiving of this type of bigotry and intolerance as many of the people I respond to in my videos are unaware of how their views are received by those of us in the Pagan, Witch and Occult communities. I also do not want to create a wall of division and often address my audience by saying: "I hold no animosity to those I respond to in my videos..."

My goal is not to make enemies, instead hopefully to build mutual respect and understanding. Even though for purely entertainment purposes I have a good laugh at them, I do try to avoid ad hominem attacks - and even here I am sure I have failed on more than one occasion.

However, I have encountered more overt forms of prejudice.

When I was a young adult and in the punk scene here in San Francisco there was a growing population of what would become known as the San Francisco Skinheads these were a morphing of the original "Nazi Punks" mentioned in the Dead Kennedy's song of the same title. A group of skinheads that were basically just jerks. This group of Skinheads had a problem with one of my good friends and I intervened during a rather bloody fight between my friend and one of the Skinheads, and after pulling my friend out of this fight and getting him to the hospital I found myself in the cross hairs of their ire - at the time I was not one to shy away from a fight.

I was threatened by one of them to essentially get stabbed if I ever interfered again, this lead to the formation of our own defensive gang. And yes technically it was a "gang". However we were more of a gang in the sense that we stuck togther to protect one another from the SF Skins.

One way the SF Skins in a sense "recruited" others into their group, was to mob people and shave their heads - usually punks who had mohawks, and this essentaily worked. The now shaved punk was viewed as a "Skinhead" and treated as such by outsiders who did not know the lore, the new Skinhead was welcomed into their pack and began to mimic their ideology - they were essentially assimiliated by acceptamce.

Later, in my adult-hood I would run into an "ex-skinhead" who had shed their ideology. This had an impact on my philsophy of how hate spreads. When people feel a part of something rather then apart from something they conform to that social group. This works for deconstructing those stuck in hateful ideologies.

Rather than treating every person with prejudiced views as beyond redemption, I believe it is often more productive to leave open the possibility that they can change. I am more inclined to accept them into my life without compremising my beliefs and letting it be known that I accept people no matter their skin color, their political position, their sexual identity, their gender expression or their religious ideology.

If someone has grown to such extremes where they have gone full-blown "Cross burning Klansman", yeah that's a bit much for even I to accept, but there must be a way to reach even these people who have gone so far down the "rabbit hole of extreme hatred".

I am really talking about the dabblers, the ones who side with hate, intolerance and bigotry more for social reasons, the ones who find their heads shaved - and are inclined to now identify as that skin-head.

I see people on social media immediatly label any hint of intolerance or bigotry as out right fascists, racist or sexist, etc. Which only seems to push that person further into that camp and away from the group of people who are willing to be more accepting of others.

I can hear my readers already saying:

"You want me to accept people who are racists and sexist, you want me to befriend those who hate ME?!"

No. That's not what I'm suggesting.

I want that social door to be ever open so that a person feels it is an option to leave their old life and enter into a new one and be accepted. Think of it this way, humans are social animals and we seek companionship with others who think like we do, or who shared common interests. We constantly hear of people who de-convert; maybe from Christianity to Atheism. Maybe they are introduced to new ideas and shed old ones such as an ex-flat-Earther or an ex-conspiracy theorists.

People change.

Every former extremist, every former conspiracy theorist, every former gang member, every former addict, every former cult member has one thing in common: they changed.

We can isolate people indefinitely, but isolation often reinforces the very identity we hope they will abandon. If someone is told often enough that they are beyond redemption, they may eventually believe it. Once that happens, they'll naturally seek acceptance among those who reinforce their existing beliefs.

Or, we can let them know how they think is wrong and why acceptance of others is the better position. Help them to raise their empathy and instead of seeing another as the "other" they will see themselves in them, they will grow to see their own humanity and the humanity in the "other". It is not about embracing their ideology and being "okay" with it - that is not what I am saying. Let them know in no uncertain terms that is not okay, and you do not agree with that ideology. Treat them with basic human dignity while making it absolutely clear that you reject their beliefs, treat them as a human being, reinforce their empathy - condemn their intolerance when it rears it's ugly head. Don't let your humanity die.

Even when confronting hatred, remember that every hateful ideology ultimately depends upon convincing people that some lives are worth less than others. We are the reflection of the others.

"as within so without"

If hatred shapes the way we treat others, then compassion should shape our response as well - not by excusing hateful beliefs, but by refusing to let those beliefs determine our own humanity. If we cast them out without any means of return, we have done nothing but helped them shave their hair away and left them no avenue, but to embrace their new found group of skin-heads.